At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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