Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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