i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
