I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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