if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
