I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Houston, we have a squirter
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
