so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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