So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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