I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
