Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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