So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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