Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
