fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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