either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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