And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
