dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
