Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
