He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
