Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
