It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
God, I missed his penis.
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