drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
