so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
