So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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