Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
