Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
