How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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