he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
