No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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