Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
