He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize