like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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