so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
