and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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