i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
