Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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