Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
