You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
