just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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