If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
