when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They have beer where we have blood.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
