How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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