Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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