Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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