): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
