I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
