I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
