Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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