I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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