garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
