I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
