i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
