You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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