At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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