i dedicated my morning wood to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were trust falling into bushes
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
