I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize