Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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