and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
