Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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