I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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