Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
