I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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