Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was born a porn star she said
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
