i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My feet surprised me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
