no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
