What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
