Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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