$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
