do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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