He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
