I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize