Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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