Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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