Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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