It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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