its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
