I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's rum buckets o'clock
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
