I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
