As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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